“Those Silly Ideal Weight Charts”

 A  Levy’s Wry humor column by Bill Levy   © Bill Levy 2002

Anyone with any sense realizes that those silly ideal weight charts are absurd.  Beside the fact that no one I know at McDonald’s, Dunkin’ Donuts, or Dairy Queen has ever seen a small or medium frame, the obvious problem with determining one’s ideal weight by his or her height is that countless individual characteristics are not taken into consideration.

What of such intangibles as how dense a person is, how much hot air he has, and how heavy his heart, hands, and steps are?  Is she overloaded with work, is her head loaded with old ideas, is she loaded at the bank? How large is his sense of humor, sense of absurdity, and sense of self?  Does she have a swelled head, is she light on her feet, how slim are her chances?  How much backbone, energy, and vision does she have?  Does he have feet of clay, does he shrink under pressure, does he have a monkey on his back, does he bear the weight of the world on his shoulders?

Individual physical features are disregarded by these over-generalized charts. One’s weight can be drastically affected by such factors as the length of one’s nose, nails, hair, and eyelashes, the size of a person’s ears, feet, and ego, and how big of a mouth he or she has.

The concept of these ideal weight charts are so arbitrary; they ignore unique traits which can definitely affect human weight: the amount of memories, dreams, secrets, facts, responsibilities, creativity, anger, and guilt Julienne carries, how free Marlene is of cares, how much pressure Marsha is under.

Any truly scientific investigation must address the questions of whether one is a man of substance, integrity, and stature or a lightweight with only space between his ears. Finally, how accurate can an “ideal” weight table be which totally disregards the weight of one’s ideals?



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